Ahhh remember when you had hangovers before you had a child and you could blissfully spend the day in bed, nursing a soggy dominos pizza and watching 87 episodes of Friends back to back?
Hangovers after the motherhood are a different story altogether.
Quite simply, they’re a luxury you can no longer afford. Your child doesn’t give a shit if you have an ache behind your eyes and wish to throw up if you move your head a little too vigorously.
To be fair I think I’ve only had 2 hangovers like this since my goblin came along- I like to drink wine regularly but have ceased to binge drink due to the responsibilities of an aforementioned dependant toddler who has only one parent to count on.
My hangover today was mild- more down to tiredness than over indulgence on the wine front. I had a splendid evening with my pal Becky- also an ex party girl but now mother of 2 under 2 (the mad bitch) so we had a lot of talk about and ended the evening just before midnight. I am usually asleep before 10pm so this was a late night by my standards.
We had agreed that we would take our smalls to softplay today so that they could run around and have fun (and wear themselves out for naptime) whilst we cradled our heads, drank coffee and muttered darkly about other people’s children.
Horrible thought to wake up with but was very welcome once my boy was up and full of energy.
We watched the babes running about and ended up in the play area with them, zooming down the slides ourselves and sweating out the Chardonnay.
Thankfully it wasn’t too busy and no one engaged my mum rage by smacking or pushing my goblin so all in all, despite the original ‘oh god we are entering hell on this earth’ feeling when we parked and came in, we all had a jolly good morning.
Goblin slept for over 2 hours when I got us home, as did I. So the day flew past, mummy points were earned and a true hangover of doom never got a chance to emerge.
If you happen to be suffering from a hangover and plan to take your smalls to softplay, here are my survival tips:
- Do not attempt to go alone with your kids. Your misery needs company, so go with mates or your significant other
- Plan a food budget. Salty snacks and full fat coke will help you through it
- Try and go when it first opens, when it’s quieter and your hangover has not yet had a chance to fully develop
- Ensure you get snacks for your child to prevent a whinging tantrum that splits your head in two.
- Get involved in the play if you can. Seeing your little one all smiles and giggles actually works wonders
- Take bottled water, wipes, paracetamol and anything else you may need
- Take pictures of your little one having fun so you can look back on them and know you didn’t ruin their childhood by having a hangover. Mother guilt, off you fuck.